


Selfie drabbles

by Diaphenia



Category: Selfie (TV)
Genre: Drabbles, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-31
Updated: 2018-02-08
Packaged: 2018-04-18 05:27:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 3,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4693751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diaphenia/pseuds/Diaphenia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of drabbles, reposted in one place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Index

[silence](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4693751/chapters/10716371)

[Enamor Me](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4693751/chapters/10716524)

[Same Bed](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4693751/chapters/10716584)

[Shag Me](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4693751/chapters/10716731)

[Hand](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4693751/chapters/10717220)

[Cookies](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4693751/chapters/10717112)

[Sharing a Bed](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4693751/chapters/10716959)

[Swim](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4693751/chapters/10717274) 

[fake relationship](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4693751/chapters/31267386)


	2. silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Litlleruiners requested a fic based on the quote: _“Don’t you hate that? Uncomfortable silence. Why do we feel it’s necessary to talk about bull in order to feel comfortable? That’s when you know you’ve found somebody really special. When you can just shut the hell up for a minute and comfortably share a silence.” - Pulp Fiction, which was posted_[here](http://diaphenia.tumblr.com/post/102371209663/hi-there-i-just-wanted-to-ask-you-if-you-could)

“It’s nature, Eliza, it’s supposed to be this quiet,” Henry said, spreading the blanket out.

He had a whole picnic spread, which was precious, and non-alcoholic bubbly juice masquerading as champagne, which was not.

Eliza drank from her plastic wine glass, determined to pretend.

“It’s not, though, quiet,” she said, her cup dangling from her fingers. “If you listen, you hear so much.”

His face softened just then, and he smiled like he might be losing it. 

“There’s, like, chipmunks making their nests for the winters, and birds humming, like all they want to do is attract a mate and get knocked up before the holidays.”

“There’s so many things wrong with what you said,” he answered. “Have you ever been outside before?”

“I wanted to be a Girl Scout, but they wouldn’t let me. Said I’d never sell cookies.”

“Kids can be so cruel.”

“Joke’s on them, though, because I could outsell those like brats any day of the week.”

He glanced at her over his bubbly. “Are you, a professional in the sales business, bragging about being able to outsell children?”

“I would totally kick their asses.”

He started cutting up bits of fancy cheese and putting it on very fancy crackers. 

Eliza put down her phone and closed her eyes. Nature wasn’t just squirrels and birds doing it, there was also a babbling brook nearby, and geese flying overhead, and maybe a kid somewhere off in the distance.

“This is nice,” she said suddenly.

“That’s the power of cow’s milk mixed with orbic goat’s milk,” he said. “It really brings out the sharpness—”

“Cheese is just curdled milk,” she said. “I prefer cheddar. No, I mean, this, the nature and the picnic. Way better than my nature sounds app.”

“Yeah, there’s value in the real. What am I always telling you about  _experiences_  over  _imitations of experiences_?”

"It has over 120 different sounds. We could virtually on a beach with just a swipe. Can you imagine, one flick of a finger and we’d be on a beach together?” She considered it. She’d be in something devastating, and he’d be in some goofy-patterned trunks that went down to the knees. No, maybe a navy brief? Or jammers, but like really fitted ones that were both practical and hot when wet.

She tried to picture him coming out of the water, his dark hair slicked back, the sun illuminating his skin from behind so he looked larger than life. 

The briefs. He was absolutely wearing the briefs, in her mind.

“I’ll thank you to stop staring,” Henry said, shifting out of her view. “What goes through your head, Eliza?”

“If you only knew,” she said, grabbing her phone. 


	3. Enamor Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ballroompink wanted a fic with the prompt 'enamor me' posted [here](http://diaphenia.tumblr.com/post/102393305864/elizahenry-enamor-me)

“Henry, you can’t eat those!” Eliza said, running over to his desk. 

“They’re candies,” Henry said, chewing completely before speaking, even when he had to defend himself. “With a chalk-like consistency. But still sweet none-the-less.”

“They’re  _message hearts_. They have  _messages_. In a particular order that you were supposed to read. I thought you would know that since these are that rare candy that predates you.”

"Most types of candy predate me,” he said. “Do you think they invented chocolate last Tuesday?" 

"I even went through the trouble of special ordering ones without netspeak on them.”

“You made sure they spelled out  _you?_ That’s so sweet. I think they, in fact, tasted better in retrospect knowing that.” _  
_

"You were supposed to read them!”

“Ok, well, can you pull up the picture on Instagram and show me what you wrote?”

Eliza sighed. “No, that was the other surprise. I didn’t Instagram it. I didn’t tweet it or put it on facebook or even take a picture of it. For you.”

Henry scrunched up his face for a moment, and she wondered if she should call an ambulance. Maybe he was having a stroke or whatever it was older men had when their super-hot way-young moving-up-the-ranks-at-work girlfriends did something even slightly generous. “Eliza, that’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever done.”


	4. Same Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU where Saperstein puts Eliza and Henry in the same room, originally posted [here](http://diaphenia.tumblr.com/post/102790382314/selfie-au-where-saperstein-sticks-eliza-and-henry)

“He thinks we're  _together_ together,” Eliza whispered as Saperstein pointed out the wide bathroom counter as well as the European style bidet. 

“This is highly inappropriate,” Henry whispered back. “He is our boss, not your pimp.” He smiled widely at their boss, who was waxing on about the view, which was overlooking a beautiful, sparkling pond.

“Or  _your_  pimp.” She shrugged. “I’ll tell him. I’m sure they have a hundred rooms here.”

“I can’t–  _we_ can’t. He’s also our host; you can’t correct the host.” Henry ran through all the potential solutions in his head. They could tell Saperstein, which wouldn’t work for the aforementioned reason. Eliza could sneak out and spend the night at a hotel, but the nearest hotel was miles away and they had no transportation. And Eliza could hardly be expected to walk in those shoes, of course. And there was always faking a medical emergency, but at her young age Eliza was unlikely to have heart problems. 

No, the two of them would have to share a bedroom. 

Which was fine.

Mostly. 

***

“It’s no big deal,” Eliza said from the bathroom. “You think I haven’t spent many a night with a terrible temporary roomie? Sometimes, it’s just too late at night to go home. Once I spent the night with a Wall Street guru who snored like a beast. I just put in my headphones and stuck a pillow over his face.”

“Charming story, truly. Glad you didn’t get arrested for attempted manslaughter of a sexual partner.”

“I think to be a partner you need to focus on the other person for point-five seconds.” She popped into the room.

“Why aren’t you dressed as a unicorn?” he blurted out to her. He expected the childish pajamas she’d been wearing half the afternoon, or even some skimpy lingerie, but instead she was in threadbare red flannel, looking entirely comfortable. 

“Why aren’t you dressed as a chimpanzee?" 

"You know what I mean.”

“Listen, you little furry, did you want the right side or the left side of the bed?”

He rubbed his hand on the back of his neck. “I assumed you’d not want to share the bed.”

Eliza threw herself on the left side. “Awww, it’s nice that you were willing to give up the bed, but I insist you don’t do that.”

It seemed futile to point out that he had to be well-rested for the next morning when she was resistant to sleeping on the floor. 

He approached the bed cautiously all the same, peeling back the covers and slipping in. 

“I don’t want this to be weird,” he said. “You and I are not– it’s important to me that you know I’m not trying to take advantage of this situation. I think we could make a barrier from pillows, whatever you will make you feel comfortable, or–”

He was interrupted by Eliza’s snore. 

“Or I guess you’re already comfortable,” he said, pulling the blanket up around her. 

***

Day two was a disaster.

One thing after another, from the pool to the pond. He’d lost control, something he never did, something he never planned for because he planned, he implemented, and things worked. Planning for what to do when he lost control was like planning for a zombie apocalypse; a waste of time on frivolous scenarios. 

He’d panicked. 

Which only ever happened around Eliza. There’d been this time, and then the once before, that crazy evening in his house when she showed up and asked him to touch her and then left immediately afterwards. 

Then too he’d panicked, spending the rest of his evening restless, unable to focus on his book or his work. He’d spent the evening scrubbing his already-clean kitchen floor, just to have something to do.

He had that same nervous energy, and no Swiffer. 

“Henry,” Eliza said as he entered their room. “I really am proud of you and your raise.”

“ _Promotion_ ,” he said automatically.  

She was standing just a little too close, same as last time, only she didn’t have her phone and he didn’t have a drink. He had no idea what to do with his hands so he shook her hand, a completely normal thing one did when sharing a bedroom with the coworker they were not intimate with. 

Eliza, her eyes wide, looked at Henry and  _licked her lips_.

Then she  _looked at his mouth_. 

He was a master at missing signals, at learning years later that women had been attempting to get his attentions. 

He and Eliza had been at breakfast a few weeks prior when one of these women, a casual acquaintance he’d had during his juicing phase , came over to say hello. 

Afterwards, Eliza had yelled at him, telling him that Charlene was clearly trying to get his attention. “It’s the lips,” Eliza had said. “ _You always watch the lips_. That one would’ve gotten on you no problem this afternoon, and probably three years ago if you’d only asked for her digits.”

He watched Eliza’s lips. 

He didn’t have a Swiffer and he’d just gotten a promotion and Eliza had licked her lips and looked right at him.

 


	5. Shag Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anon prompted "Shag me" [here](http://diaphenia.tumblr.com/post/103372618914/shag-me-henry-eliza)

“It’s nothing to be intimidated by,” Eliza said, pulling out Old Faithful from her bedside table. 

Henry’s eyes went completely agog. “Just how many settings does that thing have?”

“This thing has settings I haven’t even used yet.”

“And why are you pulling that out now, when we’re about to—” He gestured down at her La Perla balconette. 

“Right, I just want it adjacent, you know, so that when you’re done, I can take care of things.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Without me?”

“Not without you. Next to you. Unless you want to go watch sports or something.” Henry didn’t watch football, she knew, but maybe water polo, or shuffle board. 

He rolled off of her then. “That’s the most— I’m not going to leave you alone with some battery powered device.”

“I know how guys are. You’re like,  _oh hey boobs_ and then it’s all over.”

"That’s appalling,” he said evenly. “I know you tend not to go for gentlemen, but surely among your legions there were men who—”

“It’s not like ever guy I bang is all  _wham bam thank you ma’am._ It’s just some girls take a long time, and I get that that’s exhausting for—”

He looked at her, with something approaching pity in his eyes. It made her blush, to think that he thought she hadn’t gotten her due orgasms. As though she didn’t have oodles more experience than him. She huffed.

"I’m not judging—”

“You are literally always judging." She had to get rid of that look, instead of wondering if she’d be denied those due orgasms. It was time to remind him who really had the upper hand here. 

She rolled over on top of him, pressing down on the hardness still covered with briefs. He moaned, and it made her shiver. 

She was aching for this, had been for months now. She wasn’t going to get derailed over a vibrator with a rotating dildo attachment, even if it did also have rotating pearls inside. 

She leaned down and nipped his earlobe in between her teeth.

He shuddered, then toppled her next to him.

He palmed her breast, and through the lace she could feel his heat. He grinned at her, a sly look she’s never seen from him, and soon she was the one moaning. He had his mouth on one nipple and his hand on her other, and she was  _squirming_ , absolutely  _ready_. 

She put her hand out, ready to tug off his briefs so they could  _do this,_ when he rolled on her onto her back and started toying with the edge of her thong, his thigh providing her enough friction. 

She nodded, and he started peppering the flat plane of her stomach with kisses. It isn’t until he pulled off her thong with a flourish that she understood what he was about to do. He looked at her like she was a cronut and he was on a no-carb no-fat no-sugar slenderizing plan. 

"Eliza Dooley, if you need that thing—” he tilted his head towards Old Faithful— “I understand and encourage it. But I think before you give up on me, you let me try.”

She squirmed. “You don’t have to.”

He leaned down and kissed her deep, before placing a small kiss on her forehead. “Believe me when I say I have wanted to do this for a long time.”

Her stomach flipped in anticipation. “Ok, but you might be in it for the long haul.”

“The first rule of being a gentleman—” Henry said, diving in. “Ladies first.”


	6. Hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ashishorny requested "Henry's hand couldn't move" for the five-sentence meme [here](http://diaphenia.tumblr.com/post/107118616864/henrys-hand-couldnt-move)

Eliza’s grip was much stronger than a woman with her height-to-weight ratio should have. 

“I want you to know that we don’t have to have kinky sex,” she said, as though she truly believed he might change his mind when she was looking down at him with that gleam in her eye. “Just because I like this stuff doesn’t mean it’s the only stuff I like.”

“I have never been more serious than when I said I wanted to make you happy,” he said, handing her the blindfold, his breath hitching as she tied it around his eyes. 

“I’m going to make you happy too,” she murmured.


	7. Cookies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ballroompink wanted _The smell of baked goods wafting from the kitchen met her at the front door._ , originally posted [here](http://diaphenia.tumblr.com/post/110516730739/the-smell-of-baked-goods-wafting-from-the-kitchen)

“Henry, you shouldn’t have,” Eliza said, throwing her keys on the desk. 

“I didn’t,” Henry said, from somewhere in the other room.

“That’s too bad,” she said, unbuttoning her top button. “Because the man that bakes, gets—”

“Ex-nay on the etting-gay in front of the id-kay.” Henry popped out of the kitchen. “I didn’t, but Kevin, Charmonique’s kid, did.”

“I can speak Pig Latin,” Kevin yelled, somewhere in the kitchen too. “That’s not a real language.”

Luckily, she buttoned back up just before Kevin came out with a plate of chocolate chip cookies that looked instagram-worthy. “Mom’s out on another date.”

“How wonderful that your mom’s social life is blooming, hashtag-have-to-babysit-again.” Eliza grabbed a cookie, and as she suspected, biting into it was a life-changing moment of pure bliss. “Tell you what, little man, you can come over whenever you want.”

“Well, maybe not  _whenever_ you want—” Henry said.

"Whenever,” she said firmly, handing him a cookie. 

Henry took a bite, smiling at the taste. “You’re right. We might adopt him too, while we’re at it.”


	8. Sharing a bed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ashishorny was very excited to get SHARING A BED, which was posted [here](http://diaphenia.tumblr.com/post/125575292469/ill-read-about-anyone-sharing-a-bed%22)

“I really can sleep on the floor,” Henry said, “or in the tub, or the car.”

“Are you kidding?” Eliza said. “If you go outside, you’ll freeze to death, we’re talking a Henrisicle in point-two seconds. Man was not meant to sleep outdoors in Chicago. Or indoors, for that matter.” She looked out the window, laced with iced, and shivered. 

“The floor is nice and comfy,” Henry said, gingerly running a socked foot over the carpet. He looked like that time he had to wear jeans to the office, as part of Saperstein’s initiative to make the workplace friendly for the new interns. The interns all wore suits anyway, and Henry had spent the day looking ill-at-ease from the front and damn fine from the back. Not that she had said anything– it wasn’t like that. But she wasn’t a nun; she’d still looked. 

He looked almost as yummy in his pajamas, which he’d clearly ironed as part of his quest to make her roll her eyes out of her head.

“I’ll let you build a pillow fort between us,”she said instead. She climbed in to the last remaining bed available at a hotel rated at least four stars on tripadvisor.com, and patted the spot next to her. 

She expected protest, but instead he sighed and climbed in next to her. He reached over to kill the lamp, plunging them both into almost darkness.

“I respect you,” he said a moment later. “And your relationship with Freddie, and your decision to move in with him so soon, even if I don’t always understand that whole relationship decision.”

“You sound jealous,” she said, before she could think better of it. 

“Nonsense. I’m just used to being asked my opinion on everything from sandals to 90s nostalgia rock to names for pets–”

“Mittens is a great name for a kitten, I don’t care what you say.”

“But somehow you neglected to consult me on this, the biggest decision you’ve made thus far.”

“Super jealous, then. You turned me down, Henry. I wanted you and you didn’t want me back. And that’s ok.” 

“I turned you down,” he said. “But that doesn’t mean I didn’t–”

She sat up, poking him in the chest, giving herself the height advantage. “I live with that choice, and so do you. And we’re friends.”

He sat up too, and in the frosty moonlight, looked every inch a god. “I want to be your friend. That matters to me more than anything.”

“I know.”

“It’s just that I wonder if I’ve lost my chance.”

Eliza was mostly impulse, historically, at least when it came to career goals, study abroad locations, shopping, and Instagram filters. She’d vowed after breaking up with Freddie never to be that way with men again. She’d stripped down for Henry, and he’d never believe her, but that wasn’t impulse, that was a battle plan. 

So it was with that in mind that she learned forward, meeting Henry in the middle, and kissed him hard on the mouth.


	9. Swim

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stars-inthe-sky requested _“I’m going for a swim. Do you wanna join me?”_ [here](http://diaphenia.tumblr.com/post/127332745169/75-pander-to-me)

“Eliza, what are you doing here?” Henry asked. “And aren’t those the clothes you were wearing yesterday?”

“That Marvel movie marathon was the best and only idea you’ve ever had,” Eliza said, shoving her way into Henry’s house. If she noticed he was wearing a swimsuit, she didn’t comment. 

He pulled the towel around his shoulders. 

“It’s literally the only thing I’ve been thinking about since we left the theater. It’s like, the Black Widow, right? She’s such a badass.”

“I’ve always enjoyed Captain America.”

“Boring, Henry. Captain America is all rules and honor and Brooklyn. The Black Widow has red on her ledger. She wears those awesome suits, and she looks good but can still fight, and t _he hair,_  Henry,  _the hair_.” She flipped her own hair, which was a little greasy given that she clearly hadn’t showered since the twenty-seven hour movie marathon at the local cinema, and that had started Friday night. She was still in her designer sweats, which were zipped to the top. 

She looked wonderful. 

“She kissed Captain America,” he said. 

“For spy reasons,” she said. “She kissed him for spy reasons. Here’s who she’s actually banging: the winter soldier.”

Granted, Henry had been drifting in and out of consciousness by that point, but he was certain that wasn’t the case. “I’m not even sure the two of them interact on screen.”

“That’s not the point.” She pulled out her phone, pushing it in his face. “The comics! It’s real. The two of them are all damaged and hot and, like, they hooked up in the 1960s–”

“The Black Widow can’t even be thirty.”

“Movies are different than the comics, please try to pull your head out of books and listen.”

Henry looked around, wondering if she thought he was currently reading, despite a lack of reading material around. He was in a  _swimsuit_.

“And now all I want if for them to give her a movie where she just finds him, no big deal, like why were you sleeping on the job, Falcon? And she finds Bucky and the two of them have glamorous but realistic adventures being spies together.”

“Bucky has a metal arm. Won’t that make undercover work perhaps more difficult–”

“And they wear all sorts of formalwear and make out like all the time.”

Henry sighed. “I’m going for a swim. Do you wanna join me?”

“I don’t have a suit,” she said. “But I suppose I could lounge next to the pool, if you twisted my arm.”

He smiled. “What did you think about  _Guardians of the Galaxy_?”

“Underdeveloped female villain, like Thanos is  _nothing, who cares about Thanos?_  Let’s talk about sisters at war with each other.”

“Of course,” he said.

“And then we’ll talk Chris Pratt’s ridic abs.”


	10. Henry x Eliza + fake relationship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> to-kill-a-mockinggirl requested "Henry x Eliza + fake relationship" [here](http://diaphenia.tumblr.com/post/165437501909/selfie-i-have-been-missing-this-show-lately)

“There are plenty of reasons why this is a great idea,” Eliza said, whipping out a hand to tick off said reasons. “One. Saperstein loves romance. Think of how excited he gets every time he successfully marries off two of his subordinates.”

Henry couldn’t disagree with that. He’d seen that gift basket Saperstein had sent to Raj after he’d announced his engagement to that girl from the mailroom. The champagne quadrant alone had to be worth more than Raj’s car.

“Two. Think about the tax incentives.”

“You  _have_  been reading those personal finance books I’ve been sending you.”

“Yes, Suze Orman is my  _bitch_. Three, your mother will stop intuiting you’re going to die alone surrounded by cats.” 

“Just the one cat.”

“We all love Mr. Whiskers, but he would definitely eat your corpse within the hour if you died.”

Henry thought that was a little uncharitable. Mr Whiskers would at least wait until the food ran out. 

“Four, my mother would leave me alone about that whole failed engagement to Freddy  _which_  is all I will say on the matter, stop trying to make me self-actualized.”

Henry hadn’t brought that up in weeks.

“And five. I think we’d have a lot of fun together.” Her face softened at that, and she looked for the first time like she was proposing a marriage rather than a merger. 

“I could finally teach you how to cook.”

She lifted an eyebrow. “Or, I could order in and show you how to use the apps on your phone.”

“Many people have had issues with the Uber app.”

“That’s not even a little bit true. Maybe with the company as a whole, but Charmonique’s kid can get a car faster than you.”

“Cabs are fine. But I take your point and I suppose we both have a lot to learn from each other.”

“And your place has way better closet space than my tragic apartment.”

“I have my own clothes in those spaces.”

“We’ll negotiate. Do you want to seal this with a handshake?” She put out hand, leaning forward slightly. Her lips were slightly pursed, slathered with some hot pink atrocity, and as he locked eyes with her he swore that hot pink lip product smelled like… peaches? 

He stuck out his hand, too, and her hand was soft in his. He instinctively added his left hand, cradling her hand between both of his. She smiled at that. He held on for a fraction too long, trying to get decipher that fruit smell.

“We’re getting married,” she said. “Don’t you think we should seal that with a kiss?”

“I think I was supposed to get down on one knee he said, feeling a little dizzy.

“Later,” she said, and she drew him in.


End file.
